Still so tender and so raw and so vulnerable. A few steps forward, and then a step back. Hurting. Falling. Just keep breathing…
As Artists, what do we require most to create? Peace. Quiet. Reflection. Meditation. Time alone. Sanctuary. And of course, Swimming!!! Well, I am a Mermaid after all.
I’ve been given that gift, and it has saved me. After whirling about in a tornado for quite some time now, the peace soaks into my skin like rain.
I’m not sure yet how I can repay the Universe for such a gift, but I’m hoping it will be by my sheer love and passion for what I do, by the beauty I can bring into another person’s life by my work, and by inspiring others to learn to love and understand all parts of themselves, the good, the bad and the ugly. And most importantly, by not giving up.
As I sort things out, the work pours out of me. I have my seventh Mermaid painting in progress, aptly named “Joy”, the actual name of my model:
I have my second original centerpiece design in my line of Mermaid jewelry getting ready for casting:
and I am working on a line of simple pearl jewelry, including bracelets which are just getting put up on Etsy.
You can view my Etsy Shop here.
And just this week I’ve begun to work with the SBA/Score to learn how to fund and grow my business.
So to my angels, of whom I have quite a few (and yes, you know who you are)… those who have given me peace, sanctuary, the ability to safely express myself, a place to sell my work as I transition, help getting the materials I need, this is for you.
THANK YOU… from the bottom of my heart. I feel the love and send it right back at you.
And for those of you who are new to me, you can also read my travel adventures by visiting artbylindaqueally.blogspot.com
Thanks for following!
You know the ones. The ones that pop up and say “Danger, Will Robinson”. WAVE, WAVE, WAVE. Oh, sure, you probably notice them. Maybe you even ask your friends and family for advice. And they unanimously yell RUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!
But you think, “Oh, if I just communicate my needs, everything will be fine.”
NO. NO. NO. This is not so.
Once again a person entered my life waving a big red flag. This time in business.
She fooled me once. Shame on her.
She fooled me twice. Shame on me.
There will not be a third time. My friends warned me, and I didn’t listen. It was kind of an expensive lesson. The universe was testing me. But I am learning to obey the flag sooner now. Only two weeks in. Enormous progress for me. At the age of sixty, I am finally learning to identify what is good for me, and what is not.
This is enormous progress.
I finally finished my resume. My daughter, age 23, helped me. My son, age 25, gave it the thumbs up. They have much more experience writing these things than I. When I read it, I was impressed with myself. I’ve done some things. I’m not sure why it was so hard for me to get this done. It’s just words on paper, after all. But in my heart I know that it’s more the action that’s tied to it, now that it’s done, that has me in a spin. I need to get a job. J-O-B. I need this J-O-B to supplement my income from my art, so I can get back on my feet. Have my own place again. Buy materials. Travel again. Places like San Cristobal de las Casas, in Chiapas, Mexico, where I spotted this Mermaid. You’ll grow to learn in this blog, by the way, that I am passionate about Mermaids. And Mexico.
Don’t get me wrong. I have had a J-O-B before. I worked for twenty five years or so, part time and full time, in an office job (cube farm) that I didn’t like very much, under a shitload of pressure most of the time, to pay the bills and provide a nice life for my kids. I nearly flipped my lid more than once, but it paid well. Mission accomplished.
But then I said “muchas gracias por todo”, and “hasta la vista” to that J-O-B, put everything into a 10’x10′ foot storage, sold or gave away the rest, moved out of my apartment, and traveled for four months in Mexico with my partner (native Mexican). It was a kick-off to my new life as a full time working artist. It was brave. It was by far one of the best things I ever did.
Here I am, however, four and a half years later. Turns out I wasn’t the best money manager. The best planner. The best partner. The best boundary setter. I did some things right. I did some things wrong.
So now it is time to confront once again the big questions. How do I make a living with my art? How do I once again become independent instead of co-dependent? How do I come to peace with the fact that J-O-B does not mean failure, but freedom? Will I travel in Mexico again, a land that has captured my heart? Where do I fit in?
I sit up in bed and stare at my Mermaids, which have come to rest in this new place for a while. Along with my guitar. Do I play? Not really. But shouldn’t every artist travel with a guitar? I think so. This is the first morning since I got here that I am not dashing out the door to drive thirty miles to pack my things, to drive them back here, once and maybe twice, to begin this new chapter I have chosen.
Where do I begin? Oh yeah, I said that yesterday.
My mental to-do list swims in my head. I need to fill out some kind of bio or other and upload it with a headshot for my Agent. Yes, I now have an agent for print and commercials. This is Los Angeles after all.
I need to add my name to the speaker list for the Gem Club circuit. I’m a gemologist now, and I’ve traveled a bit, to boot. I’ve got some good stories.
I’m a vendor in West Covina this weekend for three long days selling my art with the So Cal Etsy Guild. Need to prepare some new jewelry and prints to sell. What do they like to buy there again? Must check my notes.
Need to do a resume to look for yet another part time something or other to supplement my income. The last resume I did was in 1984. Yep. Nineteen eighty four. Must use my son’s as a model for how to do this.
Need to finish unpacking.
And then there’s those feelings of mine that I must wrestle with. Guilt and fear and hope and excitement and disappointment and happiness and sadness all wrapped up in this big, brave move I’ve made towards getting back on my feet. Towards saving myself. Must listen to Oprah and Deepak.
But first and foremost, time for COFFEE. Let’s get rolling.
I am an Artist.
I’m a painter, a photographer, a jewelry designer, a gemologist, a traveler, a story teller, and a dreamer. Art is my heart and my soul.
In this past week I hit my personal bottom. That point where you stare at the ceiling in the middle of the night and wonder if you’re meant to leave this dimension and head for another one. Not good. This was my signal to wait no longer and do the hardest thing. Make a change.
And so I did. I reached out. I was willing to listen with an open heart to those who care about me. I did the hard thing.
Just as the sun set before me in Puerto Escondido, Oaxaca just a few weeks back, so sets the sun on that chapter in my life. Today I begin a new chapter in my journey as both an artist, and as a soul learning the lessons of love. Let the story begin.